I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize