I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
