Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
