you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
