You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did i walk over a car last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
