GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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