Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
