yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
