i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
