what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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