Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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