I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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