I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
