Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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