just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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