You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
