If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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