i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
