I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize