Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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