soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
