we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
