Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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