do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
