i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
