I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
