I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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