i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
