i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
