it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
