he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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