jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
