There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
