Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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