Sry I called you an 8
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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