I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
