Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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