So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize