Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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