I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
