Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
