hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
love makes seman taste better
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
