I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
