Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
