I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
