someone get that fucking seahorse.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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