I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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