I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
