So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
