Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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