Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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