Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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