am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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