Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
