Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
