I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
God, I missed his penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
