Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize