she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
