I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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