if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize