so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
