hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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