"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
