let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
