I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
