he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
