If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
