I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
