my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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