Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
