WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
