They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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