Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
